Direkshun: I haz it

Being sick sucks. Like, really sucks. But, I’m not going to get all “Woe is me” about it (today at least).

Before, I didn’t know what to do about the sucky-ness. I kind of just moped around, waiting, praying, for a solution. But this month, I’ve been on an egg hunt, hopping around trying to find the golden egg. It was while on this hunt that I realized I was going in a direction towards something, a goal that until this moment had been too obscure to identify. I want to be better. Definition? Healthy. Pain free. Energized. Well-rested. Organized.  Productive.

But, unfortunately, that’s not something that’s going to happen overnight. I have a lot to do.

Ultimate To-Do List:

• ·         Sleep study. So, I’ve gained 30 pounds in 6 months. It’s hard for me to admit, but it’s something I have to come to terms with. Went to the PCP this week and she’s concerned that my weight gain combined with difficulty getting restorative sleep may be a sign of an underlying sleep problem. (8 hrs isn’t sufficient for me. It takes me 12 hours to feel rested and alert. NOT normal.) Both of my parents have sleep apnea, so it’s not a suggestion that I’m going to throw out the window. Yet.
  My theory? Well, I’m in chronic pain and I’m constantly waking up (if you can call it that) to roll over or find a comfortable position. Being in pain all night is obviously going to keep me from getting the REM sleep I need to feel rested. I’ll go through with the sleep study for now, but next time I will voice my opinion to my doctor.

• ·         Podiatrist. Most of the following is going to be difficult to manage if I can’t get this nagging foot pain to go away. I have a referral; I just need to make the effort to go. The foot pain is what started this snowballing thing I’m on now. That’s why I went to my PCP and inevitably, all the Fibro stuff came up too.

• ·         Exercise. I haven’t decided exactly how I’m going to go about this. This topic alone is the only reason I miss UNT: epic rec center. ACC has one nearby but I’ve never been. Something more corporate like Gold’s Gym seems alluring but I think it might just be the marketing. The financial cost of a true personal training experience is not something I think I can manage. Mom’s pushing Weight Watchers and the marketing of that is appealing, too. I don’t know what my first step on this item is going to be, but past experience tells me that if I don’t make a decision soon, I’m going to lose motivation and then nothing will get done.
  I’m praying to the Holy Spirit on this one.

• ·         Diet. This one I’ve at least made some headway on. I went to Whole Foods and planned out my meals for a week. The only thing is I suck at veggies, so with my luck everything will be spoiled by Wednesday. Note to self: stick to HEB for regular staple items ($2.50 for a dozen eggs? Yikes!) and Whole Foods for specific healthy stuff (like yogurt that doesn’t have sugar as a main ingredient).

• ·         Chiropractor. This is another item I’ve started, but am far from completing. First consult was good, if not a little disconcerting. It bothers me when medical professionals try to tell me that I don’t have a “disease” per se, Fibromyalgia is “just what doctors call it when they can’t figure out what’s wrong with you”. Well 1: that’s a load of B.S. The American College of Rheumatology defined digonositic criteria in 1990. A fibromyalgia diagnosis is not something doctor’s can pass out like candy. And 2: You lost all credibility when you tried to say the same thing about Lupus. Lupus is a systemic autoimmune disease in which your immune system attacks your own organs (inflammation). There’s nothing conspiracy-theory about it. Oh and 3: There’s no credible evidence about a flu-shot as the causation for fibromyalgia. It’s an inductive fallacy.
  And yet despite our difference in opinions, I will continue to go. The massage therapy was great.

• ·         Spiritual. If I’m going to have discipline in my life, it’s going to have to be with everything. I’ve gone lax in my daily prayers. I should be going to daily mass, too. I, of all people*, should know the significance of it. Yet, it’s hard to find the motivation when I barely have enough to get out of bed. It’s only by God’s grace that this time around  depression isn’t a concern. My moods have never been better.

I know this looks all thought out and inspired, but in reality I’ve been telling myself some of the things for years with no results. I don’t know if this time it’s going to be any different but I want it to be. That should make all the difference in the world.
 

So let’s get going, shall we?

Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.

For everyone who asks, receives; and the one who seeks, finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.

Matthew 7:7

Go!

It's easy for someone to say something "is a gift from God". But what if it's not just something, but everything?

Get this: I got dressed to go out last weekend, and realized the outfit I had chosen (Chucks, jeans, sweater, coat, a knit hat, scarf and coordinating mittens) was something I would have dressed a Barbie in when I was kid. When did that happen? When did I become the grown-up realization of my childhood imagination?

It was like a slap in the face. No, not negative... It was a shift in perspective. When did my dreams come true? It snuck up on me and was so gradual, I didn't even notice. I just didn't realize until now because the path I took was not one I planned. It was like getting lost in the forest, wandering around, and having enough dumb-luck to find yourself exactly where it was you had set out to go to.

But, I can't take credit for it because in all honesty, it wasn't dumb-luck. All of it is a gift from God.

There was a time in my life (sophomore year of college and my first apartment) when I would have done anything to own a couch. It just didn't feel like home without one. But, it wasn't financially feasible at the time. Now, not only do I own one, but a loveseat and modest HDTV too: all in my very own apartment.

I wanted to get a degree in engineering so I could make good money working for a morally ethical company. Well, I didn't graduate and I'm not even close to being an engineer, but the company I work for is continually pushing the boundaries of it's industry and defining "ethical". My job supports me well enough to live on my own, go to school part time, and be active in church.

I look on every moment of my life: driving the overpasses and seeing the city around me, cooking myself dinner, gathering with a few dozen Catholics for good food and good music; and see how blessed I truly am.

I wouldn't be at peace if there wasn't something I could do to show my gratitude and thankfully I've been provided to do the opportunities to do so. I serve as a communion minister at church and for the sick, as a 9th grade catechist, as a coordinator for the young adult ministry, and hopefully as a blog contributor for Austin Catholic New Media. I'm trying to make it a habit to attend mass and pray the rosary and liturgy of the hours daily. I especially feel so lucky to be able to recognize the graces that I get from all of these opportunities.

So much grace that even when I am faced with obstacles (currently it's car trouble, getting ADA accommodation at work, and paying for school), I know that if I just hang in there and pray, the solutions will be presented to me.


Thank God!

New Year's

Ok, I'll admit it. I have no direction for this blog what so ever. But, maybe I'll figure it out as I go along.
One can't find a theme or a commonality without something with which to compare? So, here goes...


On your mark...

Get set...